Dream
by Christalized Leaves
Summary: Anastasia was new to all that Grey was introducing to her, and all her emotional upheavals are starting to visit her in her dreams
1. Dreaming

I woke up from a deep sleep still feeling tired and all alone. Suddenly remembering I was at my mom's place for the weekend. It was not my normal routine to visit her, but I needed to get away from all the worries back home. We live far away from each other, and it's usually her who travels to spend time with me now. I confess I'm not being a good daughter... however, my mom still loves me for what migger affection I can offer her.

Rubbing the last semblance of sleep from my eyes, the first thing I noticed was she was gone from the room, and there was no notes left of where she went. I panicked a little, but comforted myself into thinking that she didn't go far. Maybe, she just bought something to eat for dinner.

It was getting dark outside. But, for no good reason, I didn't wait for mom and I started dressing up to take some fresh air. Some very needed fresh air for some dark thoughts were starting to creep inside my head again. There's no time to think sensibly.

There is a good seaside view near where she was staying. I knew I wouldn't be on time to see the sunset, and it would be very dark once I get there. But I just didn't care. I needed to go and not think.

Driving to the sea only took 5 minutes. And, as I anticipated, the sun has already set. I walked under the twilights towards the cliff, when I could finally see the raging waves of the sea, the rain started pattering down on the small alleyway. The thunderclouds were so low and the water level was so high. It wasn't just the rain that's making my face wet, the angry waves and the heavy wind had also brought splashes of sea water to where I am standing. The chaos was already making me anxious. It was dangerous out there, I knew I needed to go back. However, against all sensible judgments, I continued to take a few more steps to see more of the sea. Big mistake. The lightning and thunder startled me. The wind blows stronger and I almost got out of balanced. It was like I was in a middle of a nightmare.

I held on to the rails, only to notice that they were also wobbling. I pushed too hard and it started to sway forward, bringing me even closer to the waves. It was almost like it wanted to offer me to the sea. That's when I decided to back away... carefully. Time to go home. I was already cursing myself for letting me go through all this danger.

I was planning to call Christian to get me out of here. But, I can only imagine all the ranting I would hear on the way back. And, anyway, he was too far away. It would take a long time for him to get here.

The first thing I noticed while walking back was how unstable the pathway had been. The stone cementing was slippery, and when I reached the wooden floor, it creaked and waved downward, unable to support my weight. I went down on all fours and used my hands to reach for a more stable path. I was already soaking wet by the time, and I kept on noticing the ever angry waves. It was raging, and very much chaotic. The sound it made reverberated through my heart. It aggravated what I was already feeling inside. The sea was wailing, just as I am inside my head.

I was back to the alleyway, away from the cliff. I tried running through the sidewalks to avoid the heavy downpoor, but, there were so many tables lined up that are blocking my way. They were from the restaurants that are currently closed down. I was kind of afriad to dip my feet to the flood, thinking of how deep it might be. Only, realizing that I was thinking of the deep sea, and the little flooding couldn't even drown me. It won't do me any harm to step on it as it didn't even reach my ankles. I almost laughed at my silliness, but, I was still reprimanding myself for going through all this trouble just to breath some fresh air. I wished I watched the weather forecast first before going out. But here I am. I just need to drive myself home and I'll be safe again. Still cursing myself for continuing all the way here knowing it's going to be dangerous. Only, it was more dangerous than I had thought.

I closed my eyes for a while, and when I opened them, I was already on my bed. It was all just a bad dream.

But, it made me think of my current emotional state, and my current relationship with him. It's making me think that continuing to be with him would definitely bring me to the edge of that cliff...


	2. Paralyzed

It was the sound of the keys rustling and the door knob turning that woke me up from that dream. I tried to stay immobile for a while longer before opening my eyes, just to remember and somehow memorize the events from that cliff. Hoping that remembering what I felt at that moment could help me analyze and organize my thoughts in my consciousness. Obviously, my subconscious is telling me to stay away from danger. But, it's difficult to accept that he was the danger itself that I must learn to avoid. However, I like Chris too much. It has been easier to ignore my thoughts than dwell on it.

I know it was him coming in the living room door. He has access to my apartment now. I've given him my spare key when I transferred here after finally saving up enough money to rent my own place.

I'm still groggy, but I decided it's time to move and meet him outside my bedroom. Only, I couldn't move. My hands are still on both sides of my head. My right thigh is folded, knees out, while my other leg is lying straight on my bed. I suddenly felt so exposed, and I could feel a malicious aura filling my surroundings. This has happened before. I'm afraid I've fallen asleep again while contemplating on things. Only this time, I'm probably having a sleep paralysis. I've hated the feelings these experiences had given me. It's terrifying and tormenting at worst.

I heard his footsteps coming to my side. Not sure anymore what's real and what's not, it could just be me hallucinating, or he's really beside me now. But either ways, I can't stop the anxiety building inside me. I tried to move my arm again, but it is so heavy. After a few more tries, I thought it was already moving, I could feel it move, but to my dismay, I saw it still lying where it was originally placed when I gained my "consciousness." Somehow, this felt worse than being chained. I tried to ask Chris for help, but, my mouth wouldn't open. I couldn't speak a word!

Relax, just relax. I tried telling myself. I should just let myself fall back to sleep and I knew that sooner or later, I would be back to my reality. I was counting and starting to relax when I felt Chris' hand on my face. Is he trying to wake me up? I could feel his warm breath on my cheek, then a kiss. His mouth traveling from my cheek to the side of my mouth. Then, using his finger, he parted my mouth and I felt his lips on mine. I still feel the darkness in his touch. It seems like he's enjoying my paralyzed state. His tongue softly explored my mouth, gently touching mine with his. I can't believe it! How could somethig terrifying become so hot at the same time?! I can feel myself becoming more and more excited from his kiss alone. I feel a moan coming out of my vocal cords, but, I'm not making any sounds at all. I wanted to reciprocate, but even my lips won't move. He continued to lavishly lick and suck on my lips, then, I felt his hands moving down to my chest. My nipples are already hard and poking through my shirt, he flicked one with his thumb, then again. And again. If I could just move, I would have arched my back and touched his hand to encourage him more. But, his hand was already traveling even lower. I could feel his breath on my neck then my chest, his other hand rushly exposed my nipple, then, I felt his tongue on it. Licking it, sucking, flicking. Over. And over. I could feel the pull from my breast to my core. It was exquisite. Sweet, sweet ecstasy. He kept the assault on my breast going, while exposing my slit. I felt him touch my clit gently, then, started massaging it using his thumb... a circling motion. His middle finger found my slit, and pushed just the tip of his finger inside me then pulled out again. I was so wet already that his finger slid in and out so fluidly. He repeated it for a few more times. In. Out. In. Out. The movement is making me crazy. I wanted him to go all the way. To insert all his length inside me and touch another sweet spot inside. But, my body was still not cooperating. It stayed paralyzed to my bed. Not doing anything I willed it to do. I wanted to hump him so bad. How could he do this to me? Or was it really him?

Is this just my imagination?

I couldn't figure it out.

I heard him unzipping his pants. Then, my bed creaked from his weight. I could see his dark figure on my peripheral vision. My head was turned sideways, and I couldn't even move it to see him clearly. All I could make out is his silhouette, kneeling over me. Then, I felt him move my head and felt his hot, engorged head in my lips. Slowly... inserting his whole length in my mouth. His hand is guiding my jaw. My tongue, although lying completely still in my mouth, was touching his penis' underside as he smoothly glides in and out. My toungue was almost like massaging him while he's moving. Every time he moves in, I could feel the tip of his length touching my throat. I would have normally gagged already with this repeated motion, but as my muscles cannot move, my reflex seemed like it wasn't working either. I could feel him becoming bigger and warmer by the minute. But, he wasn't done yet. He kept the rhythm. I want him so bad. I need him down there. I could feel his excitement while he's fucking my mouth. Oh, I wanted to lick him. Suck him. He tightened his grip on my hair, and fucked me harder. I wanted to scream! I was already dripping in my panties. I could feel the warm liquid pool up on my entrance. I wanted to touch myself, yet I couldn't move. This is the worst torture.

For a moment, I felt him move away from me. He grabbed my thighs and rested my ankles on his back. I could feel him rubbing against my slit. So fuckin' slowly. Then, he inserted the head of his cock slowly inside me. Pulled out, then rubbed my clit with it. Then, in again, then out, then rub. He did again and again. If i had my ways, I would have pulled him deep inside me. I could feel the electrical effect he's building inside me. It's going out of control. I wanted to cry out. He was licking my nipples again, while cupping and massaging my breasts in his hands. Then, I felt it. His whole length. Inside. He effortlessly slid it inside, touching just the right spot. He kept on moving. Kept on stimulating that sweet spot. I'm coming, I wanted to tell him. But, I just cried out. Finding my voice at last. This isn't just a dream anymore, he is really here. I blinked away my grogginess, and his face came into focus. He's so handsome even when he's exerting so much effort inside me. I wrapped my hands around his arm, and tightened my insides around his cock. He took a sharp breath, as if enjoying my tightness, then he started to fuck me even harder. Pounding into that spot, giving me maximum feel. It was exhilarating. We were breathing heavily. I could feel him getting bigger and bigger, and he was rubbing all the right spots. Then, I convulsed around him. This feeling. I mewled and I started moving against him. Taking what I wanted. He stiffened and I felt him burst inside me. Hot liquid flowing, his length pumping out more of it. The feeling of him pumping inside me took me to the edge again, feeling all the electricity spreading all over my body. He was breathing so hard, yet his body is so still. Then, I felt his lips on mine. His tongue licked out coaxing me to kiss him back. I opened my mouth and sucked him in. He loosened his hands from my arms and cupped my cheeks. I wasn't even aware when he started holding me down. He hugged me to him, pulling my head close to his chest. "I love you, Ana." I heard him say. "I love you, too." But I didn't say it out loud.

Because, even after all this love, I still couldn't figure out my own feelings for him. Yes, I love him, but... can my future self live with him for the rest of our lives? I can feel myself wanting to get free off this cage he has built for me. But, it's making me so sad thinking that I have to leave him for my own happiness.


End file.
